Thursday, November 29, 2007


i had a TERRIBLE experience today at waldorf. the teacher literally
pried with force two pieces of dough from yoav's hands (one in each
hand). they were supposed to just be kneading the dough into two
balls per kid, but he decided he wanted to make peas and was making a
bunch of tiny peas and wasn't done when she walked around to collect
the dough. he cried for about half an hour after that. jeremy thinks
we shouldn't continue (there's three classes left). i'm leaning that
way too, but not sure. i think maybe i'll try talking to the teacher
over the phone about it.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

This morning, Yoav was kicking Jeremy b/c he wanted to get up and go play in the playroom. Jeremy said he didn't want to get kicked. Yoav said, "What *do* you want Baba?" Jer said, "I want to not get hit." I said to him, "Yoav asked what you *DO* want. Tell him what you want in positive language." Funny that Yoav is aware enough to ask what Jeremy wants and odd that Jeremy is so unaware that he answers in the negative.

Saw "The Business of Being Born" tonight. It was great, although I cried through much of it, because I feel so guilty about Yoav. Although I'm lucky that we were successful w/ breastfeeding and bonding and that at least I found the AP group and am having a homebirth for my next one so I can avoid the more serious complications that become more likely with higher nums of c-sections.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Yoav's surgery

Today was the day for Yoav's urethroplasty surgery. He wasn't allowed
to eat (or nurse) after 12AM and could drink water and apple juice
until 7AM. We were to arrive at the hospital (Children's Hospital of
NY) at 9AM.

Yoav ate avocado with chips, a banana, and about a half piece of toast
for dinner. The toast he clearly wasn't hungry for, but was trying to
force himself to eat it because he knew he wouldn't be able to eat in
the morning. He finished the toast, nursed and fell asleep right at

I took a shower and put on a fresh bra and shirt to reduce my milky
smell. Jeremy slept between me and Yoav. I went to sleep at 10:30PM.
In hindsight, I should have nursed Yoav before I fell asleep, but I
didn't think of it.

Yoav woke up sometime between about 2AM and 4AM to nurse. When Yoav
woke up, Jeremy reminded him that he couldn't nurse tonight.
Initially, Yoav acted like he didn't hear, and happily climbed over
Jeremy and crawled over to me and lifted up my shirt to nurse. I
explained again that we couldn't nurse and he started to cry. He said
he wanted "Litzee" and "Toto" (left and right breast, respectively).
I said he could touch them, but he said he just wanted to nurse on
them. At one point he said to me, "Mommy, squirt some out!" as if
maybe it was ok for him to drink some milk as long as he wasn't the
one to suck it out. This went on for about 45 minutes with him crying
to nurse and me rocking him and humming and talking quietly. Finally,
he fell asleep, but it was initially a very very light sleep. I
whispered something to Jeremy and Yoav woke up again for a few minutes
and needed to be rocked again. Eventually, I managed to roll over and
get comfortable and go back to sleep.

In the morning, I was lying in bed without moving for a while to try
to let Yoav sleep longer. I didn't look at my watch and assumed it
was much earlier, since Yoav has been waking up between 6AM and 7AM
lately. When I *did* look at my watch, it was 7:40AM!!! We were
planning to leave at 8AM. I jumped up and woke everyone up. Yoav
wanted to nurse, but since we really were in such a hurry, he kind of
got shuffled along to go pee, get dressed, etc. and was ok skipping
it. We got out around 8:05AM and arrived at the hospital (165th and
Broadway) at 9:05AM.

The hospital was really nice. There were a lot of toys, including
some fire trucks and a play kitchen, so Yoav was quite happy. I
filled out the paperwork and soon we were called into a room for a
nurse to check Yoav's vitals. While we were in there, an
anesthesiologist came in to ask questions and to explain the
anesthesia part of the procedure.

We then went back to the main waiting room for about 20 minutes. At
about 9:45AM, we went into a different room for Yoav to drink a
concoction that was to begin the process of making him drowsy to
reduce the risk of struggle with the gas mask. I didn't want to give
him this since it wasn't absolutely required, but the hospital staff
said that the standard is to give it to older kids who resist more w/
the gas mask, so I agreed. Yoav took a tiny sip and spit half of it
out - it looked like the standard sweet, pink artificial
flavor/color-laded medicines that Yoav has never had. He refused to
drink any of it and said he wouldn't mind the gas mask.

Dr. Tennenbaum came in to discuss the procedure a bit with us and to
describe how Yoav would be feeling afterwards. I had expressed
concern with the pain meds the hospital wanted to give Yoav post
surgery and to prescribe for us to give later. Dr. Tennenbaum said
that this procedure is the easiest one he performs, but the hardest on
the child post surgery. He said that Yoav would likely be in a lot of
pain after the surgery and that we should give him the narcotics so he
would be comfortable. He also said it would be painful for him to pee
for a few days. He said that he would be putting in two little
stitches inside the meatus, which would dissolve in a few days. He
said the penis would look awful and when Yoav pees, it might spray or
even come out in two places and there could be blood with the pee, but
not to worry, that these are all common.

The team consisted (we think) of 2 nurses, 3 anesthesiologists and 2
doctors. Jeremy and I both walked with Yoav down to the operating
room (Jeremy carried him). The procedure started exactly at 10AM.
Jeremy went in until the gas mask went on (I wasn't allowed because
I'm pregnant). Yoav did resist a bit with the mask and after it was
on his face, he said, "Take the mask off. I don't like it!" But
since it was sleeping gas, he was overcome quickly and fell asleep :)
There was no crying.

Jeremy and I went to a different waiting room. There was coffee and
water and comfortable chairs. We were told the procedure would take
15 minutes. Jeremy checked with the staff after 20 minutes and we got
to go into the recovery room after 25 minutes. When we saw him, he
was curled up asleep on the hospital bed. The nurse said he looked
good and that, from his color and breathing, she could tell he's fine
and will wake up soon. She said it's best to let him sleep off the
anesthesia because people woken up too soon tend to get a little crazy
because it feels so strange to wake up partially anesthetized. After
45 minutes, she told us we could gently wake him up. We gave him
kisses and rubbed his face and said he name and he opened his eyes.
He started talking about the room and the colors of some signs, so it
was immediately obvious that he was ok.

Then he was wheeled into a more private recovery room where he got to
nurse. He nursed for a while and I gave him 5 pellets of homeopathic
arnica (to help with pain). Since he was nursing well, the nurse
removed his IV and we got him ready to go home. He said he wasn't in
any pain and was only upset by the dot of blood on his undies that I
mentioned. Since he wasn't in any obvious pain, the oxycontin wasn't
mentioned. We just brought home the prescription for Tylenol +
codeine, which we supposedly would need for nighttime.

Yoav walked some on the way home and seemed perfectly fine. Jeremy
stopped to get bagels and Yoav and I went home. After bagels, Jeremy
went to work. Yoav had to pee at 3PM. Per the nurse's suggestion, I
poured warm water over his penis as he was peeing (single stream, no
blood). When the water ran out, Yoav said his penis hurt and I ran to
refill the cup and poured some more water on. Then I laid him down
and cleaned the area a litte to remove blood on his legs. I sprayed
Hyland's Calendula spray (to help heal the wound) and gently applied
some St. John's Wort oil (antibacterial) - both the recommendations of
Michelle from Greentaramama (she's an herbalist). She said to
continue these a few times a day until the wound heals.

I put on one of his old cloth diapers to keep the penis protected. He
peed again about an hour later and then again before going to sleep at
around 9:30PM (we went to Dave & Nahama's house for dinner, so he
ended up falling asleep very late in the cab home). There was some
Tylenol in the IV during the surgery which was to wear off after 6-7
hours, so he was drug free by the last pee of the day and he seemed to
be in no pain at all, though we still did the warm water treatment.

We didn't fill the Tylenol + codeine prescription and now it's 11PM
and Yoav is sleeping soundly.

All in all, SOOOOOOO much better than expected!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

A pathetic moment

We went to dinner tonight w/ the three of us and
a few friends, including Elan and Lilach, who are staying with us for a week. Jeremy, Lilach and Elan went out afterwards to see a show, so I was on my
own to get home. Yoav was really tired and fell asleep nursing almost
immediately in the cab.

So here comes the pathetic part.

I got out of the cab, cradling sleeping Yoav in my two arms, and
carrying a backpack (which, ironically, had a wrap in it, although I
don't think I could possibly have gotten a sleeping Yoav into any
carrier at 7.5mos pregnant!). So I knelt down a
little to rest his legs on one of my legs to shut the cab door but
just as the door closed, Yoav's legs dropped so I'm holding him w/ one
arm around him under his arms. I stepped onto the sidewalk, lost my
balance and fell with him on top of me. With the weight of the
backpack below me and Yoav and baby-in-tummy on top of me, I COULD NOT
GET UP!! I just laid there on the sidewalk w/ Yoav on top of me and
started to cry. Luckily, there's a lot of really kind people in NYC
and two unrelated women came to help me. By then I was in full tears
from the utter exhaustion of the day and ridiculousness of the moment.
One helped me up (the other was elderly) and they helped to make sure
Yoav was in a stable position and, with tears streaming down my face, I
managed to get home.

Friday, November 2, 2007

playful parenting following counseling w/ scott noelle:

yoav wanted one circular tree block to stand on it's side on a flat
tree block. it wasn't working. he was getting frustrated and started
yelling at me to do it. i started feeling frustrated. then i saw it
was falling different ways and i said, "sometimes it falls to the left
and sometimes to the right." then we made a game of setting up the
blocks just to see which direction the top one would fall when i let
go. :)

Tantrums & Fantasy

First, an email to Scott Noelle thanking him for help given in our coaching session last night:


I just wanted to say thanks again for the session last night. It really helped me today and if I focus on what you said to keep doing it for a week or two, I think I might be able to incorporate it all into my "natural" parenting :) Prior to our talk, I felt like I needed to come up with a Playful Parenting type transition based on watching some of DH's successes, but I found today that I do have a bit of creativity in me - just a bit more grounded than not the more outlandish version my DH has ;)

These are my two success stories from today - they're written in the form of a TGIF if you want to use them. If you use it for a TGIF, feel free (obviously) to just use one.


My DS (3yo) has recently started having tantrums - he gets agitated or frustrated and cries and cries about his woes. Generally it's either food related (the food doesn't meet his ideal - could be a discoloration or shape or I've cut a piece of food differently than how he wanted it) or a frustration with the natural way of the physical world. I typically feel unable to offer any *help* other than to sit calmly with DS and let him see that I'm here for him whenever he's ready. After a coaching session with Scott, I'm working on finding a deeper connection with DS during these times of turmoil to help him become more flexible in his thinking.

We had two "successes" today. This morning, he wanted to stand one of his circular tree blocks perpendicularly on top of a flat one. He tried once himself and then wanted me to do it. I did first try, thinking there might be a flat enough side of the top block to make it work, but I couldn't. He started saying, "Mommy do it! I want it to stand up like this!" (showing me, as if I didn't understand what he wanted ). Initially, I felt a knot start to form in my stomach. I felt agitated myself, which was my immediate warning signal to relax into the Flow and focus on connection. I found myself commenting on the fact that sometimes when the top block fell, it would fall to the left and sometimes to the right. Turned out that this was a perfect transition - DS was interested in the little study and enjoyed watching to see which way the block fell for each of the next several times I tried and then he moved on to something more practical to do with the blocks.

This evening, I got an apple out to share. He said he wanted a piece and I cut him a circular slice (the generally preferred method). Immediately he started crying and said he didn't want it cut, he wanted me to bite it. Again, I felt myself tensing up, which was my cue to relax and focus. I remembered that a few days ago I cut apple pieces with my teeth and handed them back to him when he was in a back carry on the bus. I said, "You want to do it the way we did on the bus the other day?" He immediately relaxed, said yes, and we were able to share the rest of the apple in peace.


Also, want to write a bit about Yoav's constant fantasy chatter and the details of the fantasy. He talks so much about all his animals and what they're up to. He mostly talks about Bakalac (a small wooden dog), Puppet (a puppet he got at cousin Jack's bday party, which moved to storage before he was talked about so much), Elephant (a Dumbo elephant I got in high school, which is now at my mom's house - again before yoav started talking about him so much) and Piggie (I think a small Harley Davidson pig that was mine).

He talks about who's a Mommy and who's a Daddy and who "popped out" (was born) out of whom (he always says the birth didn't hurt). He talks about how old the animals are, where they live (numbers of the address - like, "Bakalac lives at 635".) He talks about what they're up to: "Bakalac is at school today. He went in a helicopter with Piggy. Then he's going to his house. He lives at 635." He talks about what days of the week the animals work or go to school. Today he wanted to stop by one of the apartments in Stuy Town because he said Piggy lived there. So we went in and made a random phone call on the buzzer. Then someone opened the door and we went in and went to the Mezz level to look for Piggy's apartment. Yoav said he lived in the door with the trash and he lives in the trash chute and he "cuts a hole in it when he comes out". That was building #472 and later when he asked me to tell him about where Piggy lives, he was very pleased that I remembered all the details including the building number. He seems to be always rambling on about them - their likes and dislikes, their allergies, etc.